The usual routine on Sundays is to go to my parents. Yesterday both Jack and Lily said they were to tired to go. There are some reasons that I will go into for that. Personally though, I really struggled to get through Sunday.
My own mental health has been on the rocks for some time. Some days are better than others. Yesterday, for no reason that I can explain was a bad one. I just never had any energy, and I felt stressed. I was really down, and I couldn’t pick myself up.
Change of routine
I think Jack going out on Saturday was a mistake. The week at school tires him out, and he usually spends most of Saturday in his bedroom. Not being able to do that, and the change of routine definitely effected him this weekend.
Saturday evening was difficult, and it continues into Sunday. He said he was too tired to go to grandmas to see Mack. Given how much he loves to go and see that dog, it was obvious things weren’t right. Lily said she was too tired as well. So we didn’t go. The first half of the day, the kids got on really well. They kept each other amused playing Roblox, and watching TV together.
Personally I was really struggling for any motivation. I was feeling low and couldn’t pick myself up. I wasn’t in a position to go out for a walk to clear my head, with both kids at home. Another thing I like to do is listen to music through headphones. So I can just zone out a bit, but I couldn’t find them. Turns out they were spinning around the washing machine.
Changes come to boiling point
In the afternoon Lily fell of a chair and hurt her back. Nothing serious, but it made her cry. That set Jack off. I had sensed he was ready to explode all weekend, and here it was. I just didn’t have the energy for it. He stomped about and slammed some doors, and in the end his mum calmed him down and got him to talk to her. While I took Lily upstairs to watch TV.
I really wasn’t much use at all. To deal with Jack in that situation takes so much physical & mental energy. You have to be so careful what you say, and at best he will want to push, pull and squeeze you. I don’t know why I didn’t have it in me yesterday, but I just didn’t. Luckily Natalie was there to step in.
Afterwards Jack was much happier. Like he had released all that frustration that was trapped inside him. I sat with him watching Pokemon, while we finished his T Rex document. Thank you to everyone who has responded to his question. It will make him really happy.
I got the kids off to school this morning, and went back to bed. I was still feeling the same, but I’m happy to say after a couple of hours to relax. Things are looking up and I’ve have perked up a bit.
Self care is so important, and yet so easy to neglect. This is true for everyone, but seems especially true for carers. I see so many people struggling the same way I do. When you have to put so much time and effort into your children. Just to get them through the day. It often feels like there’s nothing left for yourself.
Getting free time to do the things that make you happy are difficult. The only time you get is when the kids are at school. Until recently because I’ve been off work sick, I spent nearly all that time at work. You have appointments and meetings all over the place. I think we have 3 in the next couple of weeks for Jack & Lily. Never mind appointments for myself and Natalie.
We have been fortunate over the years, that my parents would babysit for us. But I don’t like to ask to often. Especially with how difficult Jack can be, and how big he now is. But I know people are doing it all on their own with absolutely no support. How those people do it I really don’t know. I have so much respect for them.
I keep saying I will look after myself better, and I mean it when I say it. But it’s not easy. I will keep on trying, there’s no other option.